I Wasn't Listening
by Nyphetamine
Summary: After the death of the Elric brothers, Winry becomes an alchemist to gain the secret to human transmutations. As soon as she's got it, a clairvoyant insists that she succeeds. But at what cost? Oneshot


**Summary:**  
_The death of the two Elric brothers changed everything in Winry's life. Now she's taken their path and she's started dealing with alchemy-and dabbling into human transmutations. Winry slowly starts to lose sight on the principle of alchemy and in attempt to bring them back she loses more than she expected—But she succeeds? _

**A/N:** This is my first Full Metal Alchemist story, and because of that I will be keeping it as a one shot. I hope it succeeds. (And I've only read the manga so I'm not as knowledgeable)

**The story begins…**

**_-XOXO-_**

When I was little, I lost my parents. When I was younger, my best friends lost their mother. When I was in between self discovery and adult hood, I lost my sweet grandmother. And when I was 19 I lost my reason to live.

Always I had cherished the family I had left. It was simply Granny, Edward Elric, and Alphonse Elric. I never needed anyone else in my life, though many other people did enter it-and soon left it.

Of all the times during the day, I hate the times when I am alone. And yet I can't bring myself to be around people, shrouded in the dread I feel, I could probably make a clown cry. It was just a year ago… Just a year… and I had progressed since then because my intentions lye with taking back the lives that were lost. I want to discover what Edward and Alphonse could not. Because without them… no… without Edward… my life is a shell…

But being a female state alchemist with a personal vendetta isn't all it's cracked up to be. In fact, I've barely had time to research what it is that I really need researched. That leash Edward was talking about so long ago when he was new and only twelve years of age… It was true… A dog. That's all we are.

I clenched my hand and turned to stare out at the rain-ridden streets. I wasn't a special state alchemist. My abilities varied based on how angry I am. After Edward had been annihilated… I became angry enough to kill innocent bystanders. But in the end, I can't bring myself to honestly kill without good intentions.

**FLASHBACK...**

"_Al! Al, don't!" Edward reached out from his position on the ground. If he could rise he would have. But both of his legs had been disposed of. Even the auto-mail that rarely needed any attention from the mechanic. _

"_Brother… I-I don't want to!" Al stretched his arm out towards the Full Metal Alchemist in agony as his steel body began to dissipate into the air. "Bro-!"_

"_ALPHONSE!" Edward managed to prop his torso up with his arms, clinching his jaw at the pain and screaming into the cold air for a brother he could never have back. Unless… "KILL ME!"_

_Winry turned her head to Roy and shook violently. "Don't give into him, Mustang! Please…" her hoarse whispers seemed to be tuned out as Roy stared helplessly at the pain-stricken Elric brother._

"_Do it, Roy. You are the Flame Alchemist, after all… You can kill me and save me not only physical pain… but emotional pain…"_

"_Edward! Don't talk like that! I NEED YOU!" Winry was scared and shivering at the site of her pitiful friend near death. Not only had she lost his counter part—but she was about to lose him!_

"_Winry… he… he can't live a life he doesn't want to live… Will… He'll lose his will-"_

"_Don't get all 'Star Wars' on me, you dog! Leave Edward be!" Winry fell to her knees and crawled to Edward. "Ed… Ed please…"_

"_There for each other… Al and I… we had to live only for each other… with him gone, I don't have a reason to live… You'll find a family, Winry. Roy… he could help you find one… Besides…", Ed offered her an emotional, grief-filled smile. "You have your mechanic master, don't you? And Mrs. Hughes. You're not alone. Not really…" He reached for her head and gently pushed her away from him. "You don't need me like he needs me… I will always, ALWAYS follow my brother… But don't you ever forget what I'm about to say… I love you, Winry. Now PLEASE, Roy, get rid of me!"_

_Winry stared in horror as Roy Mustang moved forward, his gloved hand stretched out over Edward's head. His eyes held a mixture of sadness, regret, and terror. He was afraid… For his comrade. _

"_No! You can't!", she screamed. But all was too late. Roy had already brought the friction to his fingers, lighting the short one in furious flames. _

"_It had to be done, Winry…" Winry could tell his words were meant to be meaningful, but they came out as shaky as her wobbling knees had been before she collapsed. _

"_My will… It's my will that has been lost, Roy Mustang…! I… I'll get them back!" Winry brought herself up from her knees and stared defiantly at the military dog. "I'll be the one who avenges them."_

"_It was bad timing, Miss Rockbell. A final show down with the homunculi at a bad time. The moment that Al's body decided to reject him. Just remember… Al died after he saved his brother-his most important thing. Equivalency. Edward died to follow his most important thing. Both lost their lives in equivalent exchange-a principle they both accepted as life's only rule!"_

"_But what is it when they were not even performing alchemy! It can't always be that way! They had no reason to lose their lives!" Winry's body racked with sobs as she fell forward, gripping Roy's military uniform. "They can't be… Not them… they were my indestructible heroes! My…" Winry submitted to her tears and waited as time collapsed around her and everything became blank. _

**END..**

Before I had realized what I was doing, a knock interrupted me. I stood silently and pushed my door open.

"Yes?" I stared at Roy Mustang in confusion.

"May I come in? I have something to ask of you…"

I nodded and moved aside revealing to him my small room-and something else that was rather disturbing to a person with knowledge.

"Winry… may I ask why… you have a circle on your floor… for human transmutation?"

I looked at my floor. "I didn't even realize what I was doing… I was remembering that day…" I lifted my head and stared out the window. "Wasn't it a rainy day like this one…?"

"It wasn't raining."

I nodded and whispered a small 'oh' before returning to my company. "But what is it you need?"

"I was wondering if you've been in contact with that girl you saved last week…"

"You mean the young one? I doubt you'd want to explore pedophilia, Roy." I smirked at him slightly, trying to change the serious mood.

"It's not like that. I needed to ask her about what it was that tormented Hawkeye so much. I've never seen her so disoriented, and every time I ask her she says it's nothing."

I suddenly felt horrible. I was too caught up in my own goal to realize that the people around me were suffering as well.

"I'm sorry… I have no information on the subject but I will look into it if you wish-"

"No. Winry, you have your own priorities. Hawkeye is mine, the Elrics are yours. Do what you wish, but remember…"

"Remember what, sir?" I stared at him as he stood and walked towards the door, stopping only to glance at me as he pointed faintly at the circle on my floor.

"Don't get caught." With that said, he was out of my room and down the hall.

I won't get caught. I have everything planned out. Every little detail. I was still very ignorant to the rules. I didn't want to abide by everything, and I'd give up everything to have the brothers alive again-if only I could see their smiles again. And love Edward like I should have long ago.

_Edward…_

My chest pulled as I gasped for air. I was hyperventilating. Finally-I was breathing more than I should, making up for the breath I lost at his death. When he died, I died. Only to be reborn soon after with a fire I never possessed before.

In three hours, I would have him in my arms, his brother near by. Everyone smiling, happy and together. I'd help Edward get Al a girlfriend and watch him grow in his body he had missed for years as he was just a bulky machine, ready to die at any moment. His soul would become permanently his until death do us all part.

I really believed it-What was equivalent exchange?

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Any new developments?" The question caught me off guard as I turned my head in the direction of Hawkeye.

"No… Why do you ask?" She shrugged in a some-what melancholy way. "Oh… Roy came to me… he was concerned about what might be bothering you…?"

"It's nothing, really." She averted her eyes from mine and looked in the direction of Mustang. It was lunch time, and he was with some friends at a far table, looking contemplative as she did while his friends laughed at pointless perverted jokes.

"It's something. I can tell…"

"Noah told me something, that's all." The name didn't click with my brain.

"Noah?"

"The girl you saved. The clairvoyant one."

"Oh… what did she tell you? If you wish… I won't tell him."

She lifted her head slightly and turned it in my direction, her eyes narrowed at me as she thought over what to say.

"When she touched Roy, she saw something. He plans to bring back my father due to some reason."

"What's that reason?", I pursued.

"I don't wish to tell you." Her eyes stopped narrowing as she bore them upon the hard surface of our table.

"But why?" I wouldn't give up, because if she knew why and that I wasn't going to let it spill, then it must be serious. No one should hold something inside like that.

"Because you would change your mind for my selfish reasons."

"What…?"

She sighed and looked at me, but surprisingly her eyes were soft like a mother would look at her child.

"Because your human transmutation will be a success, and Roy will find it the right time to use your research notes to bring back what we both lost long ago."

Even though the point of this conversation was about Roy, I couldn't help but feel my heart bounce into my throat at the mention of my success.

"Is that all she said?", I questioned eagerly.

"It was all she could see…"

"Then we just won't tell Mustang about the successful transmutation! No worries there!" She smiled slightly.

"But it would be weird to see the Elric brothers if they're dead."

"He won't have to see them." I looked at the clock on the wall and stood up. "And I have a project to finish! Remember, don't say one word to him!"

She nodded and watched as I skipped out of the room, throwing away my trash quickly. Nothing could bring me down. Not even the fact that today was October the third.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"The ingredients are all there… But what price will I pay… and if I don't get it right…?" I looked down at my notes. I wasn't sure if I had discovered anything new from what the brothers had learned or not. They wouldn't ever tell me what it was they had used, but if Noah was right, maybe I would get my parents back, too! But this is only the first try. After I get Edward back, I'll have to get Alphonse back. No matter what I lose.

"Here goes!" I crouched beside the circle and clapped my hands against it with the force of my excitement. Nothing felt better or more exhilarating!

And then it happened. All of it was so fast and so impossible. My body began to pull apart as m eyes searched, my mind hardly remembering that I'd get caught if I screamed. Hell, I'd get caught if I didn't. But my mouth wouldn't emit any sounds. Nothing could come out as my body froze from the painful contact. And then I landed on a hard ground. I pulled myself up and looked at the door in front of me.

"What's this…? The gate…?"

It slowly opened, forcing me to stumble backwards slightly.

"So you have come in search of a lost friend. And what do you suppose is equal to this venture?"

I still couldn't speak from excitement and fear, but I didn't have to. The voices did it for me.

"Her eyes", it hissed. Soon, about one hundred more were hissing the same words.

"Your eyes, dear. It will be your eye sight. You will be able to have him back if you can deal with the loss of your sight."

Suddenly, my body was being ripped apart again, but slowly I lost my vision. _I was fainting_, I told myself. That was all. They wouldn't be that cruel, and even if they were, I'd still have him, and that's all that matters to me!

And then I fell to what was a real surface. Not an artificial one. I quickly bounced up, knowing my eyes were open. But I couldn't see anything.

"Edward!", I called, shivers running swiftly down my spine.

"I'm here, Winry…" I could hear sadness in his voice, but it was his! It was Edward's voice at last!

"Edward…" My voice shook as I spoke his name aloud, crawling towards what I had heard. "Where are you?" I felt something soft and mushy grab my hand, coughing before responding.

"I'm here. I always have been."

I smiled despite myself.

"I'm so glad it was a success…", I gushed. I could feel what I supposed was his hand tighten on mine.

"Yes… A… success…" His hand felt oddly warm and wet… but I assumed I only felt it so much because of what I had lost. My other senses were working twice as well as they had before.

"Why are you sad, Edward?" His hand let go of mine as I felt what I supposed were wet and warm arms wrap around me.

"I missed you while being on the other side… and I miss Al now…"

"I'll bring him back!"

"But what would he think…? What would you think…?"

"Think about what?" I started to feel uneasy simply because he did, and that alone affected me all the more.

"Me… what if I told you… I was not human?"

"But you are human. Maybe not now that I recreated you… But… you are human! You are!" I felt the mushy texture push my bangs out of my face and then I felt moisture being pressed against my hair line. "Edward…? What did you just do?"

"I believe they call it… kissing?"

"They?" He laughed softly at my question and let me go.

"You ask silly questions for an alchemist. But really… you shouldn't have used human transmutation. It was a mistake…" I heard him mumble some that sounded a lot like 'and a waste…' but I couldn't honestly make the words out.

"But I succeeded!" I felt him stand up beside me.

"What if you didn't succeed? What would you do then?" His voice was raised in a mixture of agony and anger. Towards me or himself, I still was not sure.

"But I did! But if I didn't… I'd give up on life… I wouldn't be able to live knowing I had created something that had no desire to live… No want to be here on this earth… I'm not cruel, Ed… I wouldn't make you suffer if I knew…"

"Winry…" His voice was filled with a heart wrenching passion and I could feel the shift of air as his body sat beside mine once more.

"What? Are you keeping something from me? I need to get to Al… so hurry and tell me!"

"You won't succeed if you transmute him…"

"Why wouldn't I? I succeeded with you, did I not?"

I could feel his body shudder due to the close contact his arm had with mine. What was he keeping from me, the girl who brought him back and soon his brother, too?

"It's just that…" I could hear him struggling with himself for what to say and how to say it.

"Just that what?" I was impatient because I needed to know his every thought if I planned to move on and help Al.

"I don't want you to get hurt." I sensed that his sentence had double meaning to it.

"What type of hurt are you talking about…?" He laughed slowly at this.

"You've become like me… the optimistic one. When something doesn't present itself as obvious… you assume it isn't… when possibly… it's more obvious than you think…"

"Stop giving me speeches, Ed. What's going on? What did you really need to tell me?"

"Be happy…", He whispered, giving me a wet kiss on the cheek. Why was his body so wet? Was he sweating from what had happened before?

"Why are you wet…?" His body stiffened.

"Why wouldn't I be? You just exerted yourself, as did I. Getting into this body wasn't a piece if cake, you know? I put on some weight while I was dead." I listened to a small slapping sound, assuming that he had tapped at his stomach in symbolism. "You're not too dry yourself."

I blinked and touched my arm. I hadn't lost anything else, but I was sweating like crazy. It wasn't exactly what I expected to feel like after recreating my love.

"Oh… can I say something?" My heart was jumping.

"Yes, Winry?"

"When you died you said you loved me… Did that change while you were dead?"

"Not at all." He didn't even hesitate, and finally I felt that warmth fly through me of a love I had long lost when my parents left, leaving me only the memory of their backs.

"Thank you Ed… You've revived me more than I've revived myself…"

He touched my arm and nodded, allowing me to feel the movement of his head that way.

"I'm sorry I lost my sight… but if I can get Al back… you'd be happy, right?"

"I'm happy when you're happy. If you don't want to give up anything else, which I suggest you don't, then you probably shouldn't…"

I smiled. "Just don't tell mustang if Al's succeeds. Hawkeye is worried." I could feel him stiffen up even more as he nodded and released my arm. I stood up and gathered my second pile of materials, dropping them into the circle.

"now it's time…"

"Hold up, Miss Rockbell!" I sighed and turned, not able to see who it was, but recognizing the voice.

"Yes, Mustang?"

"You cannot go through with this…" I stepped towards him.

"Why not?"

"Can't you see?"

I shook my head. "See what?"

I listened as his footsteps neared me in a hastened paste. "You lost your eye sight… the most valuable thing you could have right now…"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm killing Edward." I heard him reload the ammo in his gun, and quickly I threw out my arms and misdirected the bullet, which ricocheted into my fore arm.

"You can't! Why would you kill an innocent man?"

"Innocent? He'll be suffering if you don't do anything!"

"How? His soul and his body is right there and very healthy! Why would you ever dispose of such a thing?" I heard his fingers snap, and I quickly dove in between what I thought was Edward and Roy. "Stop, you monster!"

"I cannot expect you to understand…" My body began to burn as the flames encircled me. "You can't see what I see so clearly."

"And what is it you see? The man I love standing before you when you thought he was dead? Look Mustang! I succeeded! Don't be jealous!"

"I'M NOT JEALOUS, WINRY! WHAT YOU CREATED…" I faltered at his voice and at the fact that I could no longer hear Edward.

"What I created…?"

"It… it isn't human…"

………………………………………………………………………………………………

_Human kind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost._

_That is alchemy's First law of equivalent trade._

_In those days… we really believed that to be the worlds one and only truth…_

But I forgot what they had been telling me all along…

_**-XOXO-**_

**A/N: Alas, I am finished… I have never written this before, and I hope this makes sense. I took some of the story and then twisted it to make it work for mine. Certain things might not make sense if I don't say that I changed things… Sorry. I hope this succeeds.**


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